Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
