I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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