I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
