Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
