who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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