I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
