We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
