everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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