drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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