I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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