Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
