well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
