You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
