remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
