guys are only as good as the porn they watch
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
