I'm really into asian looking animals
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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