My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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