I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
