just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
