Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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