they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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