I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
