we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
