Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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