when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
