He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
