The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
