Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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