he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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