sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
