mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
