porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Two words: nipple clamps
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