oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
