THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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