glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
