it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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