I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
