Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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