She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
