oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
