If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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