i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
