Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
