She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
