K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
