If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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