So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
