Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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