You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
