We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
